Why Martes

Why Martes?, I kept asking myself. Why Martes, when everybody can be found where they're yet supposed to be.

Why Martes, unlike first-things-first.

Why Martes, Ray Bradbury would love it - but.

Why Martes, no Mares or Seven Seas radios or nothing...

Why Martes, green cups unreal.

Why Martes, so warlike.

Why Martes, why fire, why a guy chained to a risk.

Why Martes, no wings on my heels, can't actually run anymore (there was a time I thought I could.)

Why Martes - sounds so weird, anyway. Point of correstion - it doesn't. Okay, okay.

Martes.

Let it be.

Phew!

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Morgana Lizbeth phoned

Morgana Lizbeth got my telephone number (I guess Brandall didn't bother to keep it for himself) and phoned me last night. Man, she was SO blunt!

Well, she's made a new mistake with me... She openly admitted having threatened to kill me. Waaahahahahaha!

(This is exactly what I call 'poetic justice'...)

Now, tell me: who's more pathetic? (Rhetorical question. You know the answer perfectly well.)

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A BRIEF RENDEZ-VOUS

A message left on an answering machine, when the right numbers are dialed, can make a miracle. Finally, I managed to make contact with Brandall. And to my satisfaction, he attended the rendez-vous.

I saw him, and he saw me - through the window, as my train was pulling out of the station... Really a breathtaking experience.

His light-blue eyes look the same; his voice hasn't changed, either. (He shouted my name, that's how I can say that.) I waved goodbye at him... He just stayed there, standing on the platform and following me with his eyes.

He managed to take out a piece of paper from a pocket. He raised his hand and showed it to me. I saw my address written there. So he knows where I'm dwelling...

I must say it was reassuring and encouraging to make such a discovery.

I've woken up to a bright day today. Yes, I'm full of hope this morning - it's a sure thing Brandall and I will meet again.

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THE GREATEST LESSON OF ALL

"Nadeena," said Brandall, "look at the wonderful sight above us. How pleasant it is for the eyes - the sky on a warm, shiny Saturday morning in early March. Light-blue, with a few clouds. It looks calm, peaceful, mild, serene, enjoyable."

"Now, pay attention to this. Can you see that man over there? His face looks like that of an ancient god; his skin - it is as white as the snow falling all over Ireland on Christmas day. And his eyes... his eyes are the same pretty light-blue colour as the sky." 

"Most likely, you'll be inclined to think he's calm, peaceful, mild and easy-going; you may think his company is enjoyable, too. As profound as the sky is his soul; as vast as the sky are his kindness and his goodness."

"But - think for a moment: is it really so? It seems you're hurrying to draw conclusions, based only on the physical appearance of a perfect stranger. Now, listen to my words carefully: nobody knows what it's like to be a god on the outside, and at the same time, to be the devil behind blue eyes."

"No, nobody knows... except for me."

"Oh, you look surprised... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you..."

"Don't worry, Nadeena, everything's fine; I know you've been scared since the beginning, but we can go on pretending it's not happening..."

"Well, I think you've already noticed my eyes are sky-blue? Maybe I'm a blue-eyed devil, after all... Anyway, you'd never know."

"Me, well, I'm not going to tell you." 

"I wonder why you were looking for someone like me, in the first place. Is it just because you were bored, and there was nothing exciting happening in your life? Maybe you're the kind of woman who tends to get in trouble frequently, or who committs herself into awkward situations, and you needed a new rare specimen to be obsessed with. Perhaps you're an incurable masochist, and you've come to me to get your weekly dose of suffering."

"How devious can you be? How... dark is your dark side? Where can it take you? What are your own limits? Well, that's something only you can possibly know.

"However, rest assured Brandall is going to help you find out all about it."

"By the way, is there anything I can do to torture you as much as you're willing to be tortured? If there is, please let me know before we continue doing this."

"I'd like you to be pleased with my job."

"Well, the point is the point... So you're giving me permission to deceive you. What is more, you're craving, asking, begging for it - and that's exactly what you'll get. Remember my words: never ever judge a book by its cover, nor a man by the colour of his eyes, the... gentleness of his manners, his smile -no matter how captivating it might look-, his country of origin or... the music he loves."

"As the saying goes, Nadeena, 'Eyes are the window to the soul.' But people project. Any reflection they say they can see in other people's eyes, is nothing but an illusion of their own device - they just see what they want to see, and nothing else but that. Well, eyes are also the door to perdition, and even a sea where you can drown and abandon yourself to your senses. As certain as my name is Brandall, reason will depart from you like a wave withdrawing back into the ocean when the tide is receding."

"What will come after that... is nothing more than pure delusion. After giving in to the charm of bluish eyes, you will no longer be able to hide behind yours. And then, your truest feelings will emerge from deep within, while your soul is sinking into the most absolute nothingness. The nada. You'll be really really lost. Even the simplest things will be the most confusing ones."

"Terrifying, isn't it?"

"May I be candid, Nadeena? You should be afraid of me, and I can understand why you are already. What is more, you should be scared of every blue-eyed man with the demon within. We're shallow, but yet we can be sharp. We're very dangerous creatures!"

...

Bran McMahon was indeed awesome, wasn't he?

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APRIL 27th, 2011 ("Don't hesitate to call")

"I'm afraid I must cancel today's session. Sorry, but I can't continue doing this. Thanks for all your help. Have a great life. I wish you all the best, Nadina."

Text message - Wednesday, April 27th, 2011 - 10:00 am 

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From: mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

To: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

Date: Wednesday, April 27th, 2011, 10:38 am

Subject: Dont hesitate to call

Hi Nadeena

Just got your message as I was preparing to leave. I must say I was in shock and I am sorry to hear that. That said I am sure you have your reasons.

Well I am glad I could help some in the short time we worked together and wish you luck in the future. Its a shame as we were begining to make progress.

Try and keep focused on your objectives and dont beat yourself up. In other words stay positive and build on that.

If you need help in the future dont hesitate to call.

Take care

Abrazo

Bran

PS I wont have somebody to correct my Spanish now.

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From: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

To:  mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

Date: Wednesday, April 27th, 2011, 12:28 pm

Subject: Re: Dont hesitate to call

Thanks for this message, Bran. I really wanted to talk to you, but I just couldn't find the words.

Franco and I broke up last week (after many years together) and I still can't handle it. Correction: I broke up with him, I did it from one day to the next BUT I don't need to review my decision now, I did what I felt I had to do, I should have done it... years ago, probably.

Anyway, I haven't been able to sleep for over 3-4 hours at night. To be honest, this morning I couldn't gather the strength to get on my feet and reach you.

(I'm re-reading my words, this looks so... sad, I'm making an arse of myself here, I know.)

I'm out of focus, hypersensitive, troubled. And I didn't want to break in front of you, it's not your job to heal me or fix me, not even to put up with me. Besides, I really respect you for the job you do, training has never been a game here for any of us, if you know what I mean... That's why I don't want to make you feel that you depend on my moods to do your job.

And at the same time, I didn't want to say something I could regret later. I mean, to share something I shouldn't share.

You're not really my therapist! (I would never have one, I don't believe in them.)

I don't know what else to say. I'm sort of lost.

I'm sorry about all this.

Na

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From:  mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

To: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

Date: Wednesday, April 27th, 2011, 2:57 pm

Subject: Re: Re: Dont hesitate to call

Hi Nadeena

Sorry to hear that. Things will resolve themselves in time if its the right decision. These things are sad and some time is needed to recoup. I am sure you will bounce back. The thing is to not get dragged down by the negativety. Try and keep up the good work when you berk up a little as it will make feel better rather than stopping completely and reinforcing the vicious circle of feeling bad. Its cool if things slide for a few days its human nature to pamper ourselves in times of emotional stress. But then re focus on your personal goals and start moving forward if slowly. I guarantee you will feel better when you start working on your goals again. Endorphin is the best legal drug that exists.

So when you get grounded again dont be embarassed to call if you decide you want to continue with your project. If not thats cool too.

Priority is to get yourself healthy again!

Take care of yourself

Bran

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From: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

To:  mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

Date: Wednesday, April 27th, 2011, 6:37 pm

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Dont hesitate to call

Thinking about what to answer now... I guess you're right about everything. 

I can't add anything else right now but I must say I really appreciate your sense of empathy. What an awesome gift you've been given, Bran. This world is so full of shallow people, brainless, so devoted to frivolities, so worried about their own whims, so concerned about looking great, being popular, claiming and exercising their right to freedom at hysterical levels, seeking fun all the time and never comitting themselves to any cause but their own wellness... that it's really a delight to find somebody like you.

You can say I got the message. Just give me some time, I may be back on my feet then.

All the best,

Nadeena

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From:  mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

To: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

Date: Wednesday, April 27th, 2011, 8:07 pm

Subject: Sometimes we have to get worse to get better

Ok Nadeena

I have no doubt that you will be back on your feet again. Sometimes we have to get worse to get better. Until then take care.

Bran

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From: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

To:  mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

Date: Wednesday, April 27th, 2011, 10:37 pm

Subject: Re: Sometimes we have to get worse to get better

Thanks, Bran. I promise you that I’ll do as you say.

Un abrazo, until soon.

Nadeena

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One of the hardest drills I've ever done

This wasn't actually one of our first drills - but the thing is, it was really hard.

Brandall had written the whole schedule for me. His handwriting was a bit difficult to read, and he had some spelling mistakes.

How funny, he wrote my programs on white square CD envelopes. Sometimes, he just tore a sheet of paper from a spiral notebook.

TODAY'S AGENDA FOR NADEENA

by Brandall McMahon

(1) Find a swan swimming in the lake (near the shore).

(2) Stand close to the swan quietly and motionless for a while.

(3) Try to forget about yourself - self-consciousness can hinder progress. 

(4) Don't show any fear or discomfort.

(5) Make eye contact.

(6) Try to establish a connection with the swan (just improvise). BE KIND A FRIENDLY.

(7) Send the swan a clear message every time. Be spontaneous but not too wild. Otherwise, the swan will be afraid of you.

(8) Be ready to get a reply (of whatever kind), and don't forget your manners.

(9) Pay attention to the swan's answers. Stay focused. Don't start babbling, DON'T get sidetracked - you'd only be waste precious time.

(10) Watch the swan carefully. Imitate the swan's movements. Try to do it gracefully.

(11) Endure as much as you can. Show you can be strong without being tough.

(12) If you get tired, try not to make a fuss - just let your guru know about it, kindly and friendly.

(13) Don't start groaning if you get tired too soon. It'll take you some time to build endurance - but you will get there!

(14) Be willing to listen to your guru's evaluation of your performance without taking things too personally.

(15) Learn to acknowledge your own efforts. Be proud of them.

(16) Learn to acknowledge your own limits. Be certain that, in due time, you'll go beyond them and conquer your barriers.

(17) BE POSITIVE. Don't think you've failed if you don't do everything perfect.

(18) No matter what, don't beat yourself up!

(19) Let your guru praise your efforts without questioning him - he's not trying to flatter you!, he's qualified to appreciate your progress.

(20) Be willing to ask for and get help with your obstacles.

(21) LET YOUR GURU DO HIS JOB because he's qualified, and above all, because YOU TRUST HIM and HE TRUSTS YOU.

(22) Accept your guru's comments, remarks, advice, etc., without being defensive.

(23) Be grateful for this opportunity to learn and improve in life.

(24) NEVER LOSE YOUR TEMPER. Animals and people deserve your respect.

Remember - things can only get better - and they will!

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The story of Carl Curtis McMahon

"Carl Curtis McMahon is a very stubborn guy. He's one of those people who will never ever listen."

"You can spend hours, days, weeks, even months talking to men like him, and you'll have wasted your time. No matter how hard you try to get through to them, you'll find out they're just impossible to reach."

"And when I say I've tried everything, I mean I've really really tried everthing. I've been with him at his favourite places, I've sit with him in his favourite pubs, I've listened to the same music he listened to, I've read all the books he lent me, and I've also chosen the words he uses most of the time when he speaks."

"The reason behind my failure is, Carl Curtis McMahon is in denial."

"He's been limping for years. He's in pain, and although he hardly ever admits it, his leg is giving him heck."

"Sometimes he just can't walk at all without groaning. He's been taking painkillers for years. No analgesic can give him some lasting relief these days. He should be walking with a cane, but he's too proud to use one."

"Carl Curtis McMahon should have an amputation. It will release him from all the wretchedness he's beeing living in. The pain he might have in the future will be nothing compared to the pain he's suffering now. His leg is dead right now, he can't even feel it!"

"It will be a sort of minor amputation, below the knee, and only his foot, his tibia, his fibula, and part of his calf will be removed. He will be able to wear a prosthetic limb. He will find it so easy to handle! With the right help, training and equipment, he'll be able to ride a bike, to run, to play sports, to rollerskate, to do everything he wants - a new world will open up to him! He'll be able to do a thousand things he can't do now, because his leg has been preventing him from doing them for a long, long time. His lifestyle would change for the better. His life quality would improve tremendously."

"If only he wasn't in denial, and agreed to have the surgery..."

"But Bran..."

"Yes?"

"He wouldn't feel he's a whole man, then. And I bet he wants to be a man."

"Well, that's a why of seeing it."

"And Bran..."

"Yes?"

"I'd have felt exactly the same if I'd let them insert a plaque and a dozen nails in my leg."

"But now you wouldn't be in pain."

"Bran..."

"Yes?"

"I prefer my own pain to the pain of having something that's not mine in my body."

"But why?"

"Because I wouldn't feel like a whole woman, you see?"

"I see."

"I really understand how Carl is feeling. It must be difficult to accept you aren't going to be a whole man again."

"But all the McMahons will be with him every step of the way, all of us will help him get on his feet again, all of us will be there for him."

"Bran..."

"Tell me."

"Leave him alone, will you? He's already heard you. Whenever his mind is ready to accept the facts, he'll let you know. And whenever he needs all the McMahons to help him undergo the amputation, I'm sure he'll pick up the phone and then you, people, will get the cal you've been expecting for sooo long."

I think it was the first time I gave Brandall some advice. I'm sure he didn't take it, as I've heard that his brother Carl has refused to talk to him again.

The morals of the story? Well - you can figure it out by yourselves, can't you?

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A stupid accident and a bad decision

It happened while I was doing the drill in which I had to be the prima donna. I jumped over a fallen tree, and my right ankle just couldn't bear it. 

"What's happening?"

"It's my right ankle again."

"Are you in pain, or is it only bothering?"

"I think... well, it hurts."

"Describe how it's hurting, please."

"Wow, how is it hurting? Like every ankle hurts when it's hurting!"

"Can you be more specific, please?"

"No, I'm in pain, damn it!"

"Nadeena..."

"I'm sorry, Bran. I know it's not your fault."

And so I told him the story of my ankle. 

When I was young, I broke my right leg -the tibia and the fibula- in four parts. It was a stupid accident. I woke up during the morning, around 5 am. I was half awake and half asleep, but I needed to go to the toilet. Suddenly, I tripped over something and fell. I heard a "crrrrack" in my leg, somewhere under the skin. And then I felt as if somebody had stabbed a knife into my right tibia!

The pain was simply unbearable and just wouldn't let me make a simple step. And as the appearance of my leg, well, it was incredibly swollen, and there was a huge stain growing bigger; it was bluish purple - or of some colour between black and violet.

I couldn't walk for over eight months. I had to use crutches for some time, but before that, I'd had to move around on a wheelchair. The bones doctor said my leg needed an operation, but right then it was a bad time -it couldn't have been more inconvenient, actually- and I was too young and idiotic, so I chose not to be operated on. Bad move! As a consequence of a wrong decision, my bones didn't fix suitably, and I was spraining my ankle all the time.

It was too hard to forgive myself for causing such a terrible damage -and I'm talking about the accident here, not about my bad choice- on one of my legs. I wasn't sure I'd been able to overcome such a hard and painful experience by the time I told Bran the whole story.

What had I tripped over? A toy. A stupid toy! 

So Bran started sharing his own story withe me... In fact, it was the story of Carl Curtis McMahon.

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Drill - Maria and Maya

This was one of the first drills Bran designed from me. I would be in the skin of a prima donna. A very sophisticated one, in fact - something between an opera singer and a ballerina. To be accurate: a Maria Callas and a Maya Plisetskaya, all in one.

It was obvious that Maria Callas had had a dark side: to begin with, she had been a dramatic opera singer, and she had performed many tragic female roles throughout her career: Madame Butterfly, Lucia di Lammermoor, Anna Bolena, Norma, Aida... She had been in love with Aristotle Onassis but the feeling wasn't fully reciprocated. His biographers say she had to have at least an abortion while involved with the Greek magnate.

Callas had been cursed and blessed by a gift that made her incredibly unhappy, bringing her worldwide and lasting fame, and granting her glory. When she was at the top of a career that any human being would desire, her vocal decline started. Apparently, her rapid and progressive weight loss (she lost 80 pounds altogether) made Callas lose both strength in her singing and stamina. She died of a heart attack after a long vocal decline which undermined her self-confidence and her courage.

As regards Maya Plisetskaya, her dark side wasn't so obvious. She had been a gifted ballet dancer, and critics say her ability "changed the world of ballet, setting a higher standard for ballerinas both in terms of technical brilliance and dramatic presence". But Maya's background wasn't much in the public eye, as Callas's life used to be. Why was that? Not only because Maya was Russian in the times of the USSR but also because she belonged to an unprivileged minority. In fact, she was born into a Jewish family that used to be prominent, but in the end, suffered the consequences of revolutions and illnesses brought about by communism. Maya's father was executed during the Stalinist purges. His crime? He hired a friend who had been Trotsky's secretary. Maya's mother, who was a a silent-film actress, was arrested and sent to a Gulag -a labour camp-, together with her seven-month old child. So Maya was adopted by her maternal aunt, who was a ballerina, until her mother was released.

When Maya became a talented ballet dancer herself, she was not treated well by the Bolshoi management. She was Jewish in a climate that was clearly anti-Semitic, and her personality was seen as defiant; that's why after joining the Bolshoi, she was not allowed to tour outside the country for six years, until president Nikita Kruschev gave her permission to travel abroad.

The drill was really interesting and challenging; it kept me motivated for a whole hour. Bran could be really inspiring! His drills have left an indelible mark on my psyche, changing the world I saw myself, my body and my spirit, as well as nature - the environment, all living creatures, the true nature of man itself. This is something I will definitely never ever regret.

If we talked about regrets - well, I'd say it's been so hard to lose Bran in such a violent, unexpected and terrible way. But Morgana Lizbel is the only one to be blamed for that.

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You get it?

"Nadeena, what's the matter with you?"

"What's the - what do you mean, Brandall?"

"You're not really here."

"I'm not - hey!, how can you say that? Do you think you know me?"

"Whoops! I thought we had already got over the deflection stage."

"Well, well - now Bran is a psychologist, too."

"I know you don't really want to be rude. I'll re-ask, then. What's the matter, Na?"

(Me, after sighing a bit:) "It's... It's Franco."

"What's the matter with Franco?"

"He doesn't like what I'm doing with you. He doesn't approve of it."

"Don't these drills make you feel better?"

"Yes, Brandall."

"Do you think you're wasting your time or your energy?"

"Not at all, Bran. Not for a single second."

"Aren't we working hard and making progress here?"

"Yes, Bran, of course we are."

"So what's wrong with Franco, then?"

"Well, Brandall - Franco is very weird, you know. He really prefers the way I was before you and I became friends."

"That's very difficult to believe. Doesn't he know you were feeling really sick before?"

"Yes, he does."

"And is Franco not aware of the fact that in the past, you used to fear failing, falling, freezing, and many things beginning with - never mind."

"Yes, he is, Bran."

"Well, then I don't get it. You're doing the right thing for yourself. Why is it bothering him?"

"Franco says I've changed too much."

"In what way have you changed?"

"We used to argue a lot, and I'd never fight him back. But I'm no longer a fool. Whenever Franco gets fastidious or fires up, he can't fence me in - and I'm not the one who 'forgives and forgets' anymore. I have finally learnt to face him, to stand in front of him. I just fix my eyes on Franco, as if I was defying him, and focus on my own feelings. I can be firm and self-confident, and I think it freaks him out a little. I'm really fed up with his awful flare-ups of fury! Well, Franco has already found out that firing up won't frighten me anymore, you see?"

"I see."

"Anyway, he can still piss me off... Definitely."

"I see."

"Well, Bran, sorry for deflecting."

"It's okay, don't worry."

"All right. What do you want me to do now?"

"Shall we check your program? I think we were supposed to do things beginning with b and p." 

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'm joking. What would you like to do today?"

"Have you brought the swords and the masks?, I'd love to practise fencing... Or perhaps, you could teach me a few self-defense movements, as you promised."

"Let's do some boxing, then. You see? B, O, X - it begins with b!

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Kinda funny

From: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

To:  mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

Date: Saturday, April 17th, 2011, 1:53 pm

Subject: Don't ask!

Hey Bran,

I’ve tried to get in touch with “Foreigners & Newcomers in Town” and recommend you, as you asked me to, but – you know, they’re really a closed group. I’m afraid I haven’t been successful at this.

DON'T ASK how I did yesterday. Not willing to talk about it (sorry).

See you Wed, have a great Sunday and a great week.

Na

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From: mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

To: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

Date: Sunday, April 17th, 2011, 8:37 pm

Subject: Re: Don't ask

Ok Nadeena

That's fine we can talk on Wednesday and you can let me know what happened. If you are not there now you will be in the future. We'll talk.

Bran McMahon

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From: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

To:  mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

Date: Sunday, April 17th, 2011, 10:27 pm

Subject: Re: Re: Don't ask!

Good evening, Bran, thanks for your concern, I really appreciate it. Oh, you know I value your help so much... But I'd really prefer not to talk about today, if you don't mind. Let's just move onto the next topic in our agenda.

Well, see you on Wednesday.

Have a nice Monday,

Na

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From: mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

To: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

Date: Monday, April 18th, 2011, 10:43 1m

Subject: Re: Don't ask

Ok Nadeena

Thats fine. Moving on works too. Better to look to the future. Keep your chin up. See you Wednesday.

Bran McMahon

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From: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

To:  mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

Date: Monday, April 18th, 2011, 11:21 pm

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Don't ask!

Bran, I can’t believe you’ve said “that’s fine” once again! 

So what are you going to say now? That you spill yogurt on your clothes every single day? (Oh, you've already said that to me, remember? I had spilt yogurt on myself without noticing, and I attended our meeting with nasty stains all over my jacket and my trousers!) 

BTW, my chin is so up that I’m tripping over almost everything!

See you soon,

Na

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New lesson: I'm the boss!

"You need what you need, not what you think you need, and there's no point in being so stubborn", said Brandall.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I can see something's not all right with you."

"In what sense?"

"You act as if you could be doing this, you want me to think you've mastered it, you're doing everything you can to fool me - but, no matter how hard you're trying, you don't fool me. Not at all. I can see you're just pretending. And bluffing!"

"So you're saying I can't do this?"

"No. You're not listening to me, Nadeena. I'm just saying there's something wrong with you, but I'm not the gypsy in this tale, I can't ask you to show me the palm of your right hand and say what exactly is wrong. You will have to tell me."

"There's nothing wrong with me! And I do want to do this!"

"Now you're not listening at all! Why is that you never listen to me? Who am I, huh?"

"You're Brandall McMahon." 

"Right. And I'm your...?"

 "I think... you are... my guru?"

"You don't know it?"

"Y-Yes... Yes, I know it... You are Brandall McMahon, and you are... my guru. Yesss, you're my guru. Definitely."

"All right. Now that we've agreed on something, now that things are crystal clear (finally!), let's try to find what's wrong with you. Come on, Nadeena! I'm on your side, right? We can do this! Let's find out what's wrong here. But you've got to help me with this. Help me help you. It's for your own good!"

"Okay, okay. I think... Well, I'm not sure... Uhmm... I think there could be - no, there might be... I think perhaps...  there might be something... something wrong about..."

"Stop there. We're going around in circles. This is leading us to nowhere. You might want to get there, but you're not even trying! You don't want to do this! At least, not in the right way. Why do you have to be so whimsical all the time? Come on! You think you're smart? Well, sorry - you're not. I'm tired. You're wasting both your time, and mine."

"But Bran..."

"Never mind, let's carry on as if nothing had ever happened. I'll be patient. I am being patient, but - it'll take even more patience with you."

"But Bran..."

"Shall we continue, please, if you don't mind...?"

"But Bran..."

"Yes? What do you need now?"

"Time is up. I'm leaving."

"Really?"

"Thanks for today's lesson, Bran. See you soon. Slán!"

"Oh - ok then. Goodbye."

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Lacking a daisy

That morning in the park, Brandall was thinking fast, moving fast, turning fast, doing the same (and quickly), doing the opposite (and even more quickly), changing little things, changing everything, repeating, adapting, evaluating, adjusting, re-repeating, correcting, modifying, improving, performing over and over, again.

All I could do is just try to get the general idea and follow directions. Sometimes, I just didn't understand a thing. I was only concerned in the WIIFM factor (what's in it for me?), I wasn't very worried about the "how-I-am-supposed-to-do-this". So I guess I was not particularly brilliant that day. 

Bran watched me all the time, holding things back, checking up on me until he was sure I knew what to do. 

"OK", he said.

"Better."

"You tend to overdo it."

"Easy..."

"Much better."

I was already feeling dizzy. Too many turns, too much of "come here" and "go there". I hated especially the "agains"!

Everything was OK until Bran said, "Let's not be lackadaisical, and put that stuff here." Which meant, not so far from our sight.

What were we lacking? A daisy? Margaritas? Somthing that ache-sic-cal?

What didn't we have? What???

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(THREE E-MAILS)
= = = = = = = = = = 

From: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

To:  mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

Date: Saturday, April 9th, 2011, 4:03 pm

Subject: Lack-a-what?

Hello Bran, I hope you've had fun at Iron Maiden's concert.

I'm curious about that word... meaning, we were relaxing too much and spreading our things all around... what was it?, I want to learn it.

Oh, and you said... can you repeat it?, next month was going to be... better?, good?, great?, perhaps you could send me the "words of wisdom for this week", then I'll print them and stick them on my fridge... it's cool for motivation.

Well, I think that's all. Still not fully recovered from setbacks, but anyway, keeping on keeping on.

Have a nice weekend. Missed you this morning (?).

Na

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From: mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

To: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

Date: Saturday, April 9th, 2011, 4:42 pm

Subject: Re: Lack-a-what?

Hi Nadeena

The word is lackadaisical and I got the definition wrong so look it up.

I will have to reconsider the use of the word. But can be used for training. Dont be lackadaisical today. 

I was just saying that dont worry about the past as we can only change the future so there is no point in wasting energy on trying to change it when you should focus that energy into what you can change. The present and the future!

Anyway keep focused and see you Wednesday at 10.00.

Chau

Bran McMahon

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From: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

To:  mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

Date: Saturday, April 9th, 2011, 5:04 pm

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Lack-a-what?

... Now I know your secret: you're a fake Irishman whose native tongue isn't English.

Seems "lackadaisical" comes from "lack-a-day".

OK, I won't be lackadaisical, then. First time somebody tells me not to be... lackadasical. Exciting enough - I'll have to obey, then. I figure out I'll be the only Aussie trying not to be lackadaisical. It definitely makes me feel special, he he.

Sorry for telling the truth, you sound more inspiring in person.

Have a nice Sunday. Slán!

Signed: Lackadaisical Na (LOL)

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HAPPY PADDY'S DAY!!!

From: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

To:  mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

Date: Thursday, March 17th, 2011, 2:10 am

Subject: Happy Paddy's Day!

"May the road rise to meet you,

 May the wind be always at your back,

 May the sun shine warm upon your face,

 The rains fall soft upon your fields,

 And until we meet again,

 May God hold you

 In the palm of his hand."

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Bran!

Have a great day - make it great & make it count!!!

(Hope you won't hate our pic... I did it just for fun!  )

All the best,

Na

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Getting ready for Paddy's Day?

From: nadinavonoz@yahoo.com.au

To: mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

Date: Tuesday, March 15th, 2011, 11:15 pm

Subject: Getting ready for Paddy's Day?

Hi Bran, I hope you're getting ready for Paddy's Day, shame on me!, I won't be able to celebrate it this year... Thanks for your encouraging words, no worries, I'm doing great, perhaps I can show you my journal on Saturday and you'll see the details.

Have a wonderful mid-week. See you Saturday.

All the best,

Na

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THIRD MESSAGE

From: mcmahonbran@yahoo.ie

To: nadeenavonoz@yahoo.com.au

Date: Tuesday, March 15th, 2011, 8:14 pm

Subject: Feedback

Hi Nadeena

I did read your last blog entry and it was nice to have some positive feedback about what you thought about the session.

Hope you are doing well this week and if not, there is enough time to turn it around and make it a good week!

Well, keep up beat and positive.

See you Saturday.

All the best,

Bran McMahon

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